


Somewhere I Belong

by Mamogirl



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angel!Brian, Angst, Fantasy, Hate Crime, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reference to past violence, Soulmates, Wings, human!Nick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 13:03:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6240364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mamogirl/pseuds/Mamogirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a hate crime left him wounded and shattered, Brian is ready to raise up again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somewhere I Belong

 

Somewhere I Belong

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Darling, can you stop here?”

Nick’s eyebrows raised up in confusion, his face slightly turned towards Brian to see if he was serious or if he was making fun of him. And the confusion wasn’t for the question itself, the mere fact that they were driving in the middle of nowhere, but for that nickname so unusual for him. Oh, well, a nickname Brian used only when Nick would make something he didn’t like or he had been in trouble.

“Darling?”

“Don’t you like it? - Brian asked in reply, a small grin that didn’t quite resemble his old, natural and careless one, but was a step ahead of... well, of the last weeks. Stealing his attention from the road ahead, Nick reached out and left a peak of kiss on Brian’s cheek. – Not that I mind, but what was that for?”

Nick shrugged, his eyes turning back to the road ahead and singing softly to the song played on the radio. It was just like the old times, that year when Brian had decided to teach him how to drive and they would just go, driving through roads they didn’t know and singing loudly to whatever songs would come up on the radio and be so excited when it turned out to be one of their own. They were careless, those rare times when Nick felt sincerely happy and he could dream about just getting away, leaving behind all those baggage and weights that were dragging him down; those rare times when it was just the two of them, lingering on a thin line between friendship and something that wanted to be more, deeper but blocked by a thousand things that, at that time, Nick couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to understand.

“You don’t usually call me that!”

“I wanted to be romantic, for once. I can keep calling you idiot, if you want.”

Nick couldn’t help but laugh, his head thrown back and eyes closed for a small second. “How can you go from darling to idiot in two seconds?”

“My super powers. – Brian simply stated. – Now, please, can you stop here?”

Nick obliged, turning the wheel and stopping the car on the side of the road. With the engine and the air conditioning off, the heat inside the car started to raise up, letting inside that stinting and biting smell of the road burning under the hot sun. But there was something else, something that called to the mind the echoes of blue waters and salty sand, fresh air that caressed the few bushes of green grass and flowers that could only live in such atmosphere.

For a second, still, Nick didn’t ask any question. Through the years he had learned when to push Brian and when, instead, to wait because an explanation was about to happen. In those few seconds, so, Nick preferred observing his partner’s profile, his pale skin finally being kissed by the golden ray lights and that haunted look finally gone from the blue of his eyes. Even with all the weight lost, even if now only bones seemed to live and survive thanks to who knew what power, Brian’s features were still untouched by the violence and the abuse he had sustained weeks before: bruises had long disappeared, wounds had healed and left no trace on the skin so no one would ever know, or even suggest, that just not quite long before there had been a mess of scars and blood and those... well, those were images that Nick couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to forget.

Ever.

Brian’s hand reached out and landed upon Nick’s, sparks of reassurance and comfort floated in the air as if Brian was aware and conscious about what thoughts were going through Nick’s mind. Except that it was that the truth, Brian did know because of that special bond that linked their souls together and because of the small, little detail that he was an angel. An empath angel, able to sense and feel other’s emotions and with the extraordinary power to try, at least, to help them when possible. A power that worked perfectly with Nick, as if Brian had always been meant to be his companion, always ready to protect and heal him from the hurt of the world that could be so cruel and strange sometimes.

_“It’s like..._ – Brian had tried once to explain him. - _... it’s like there’s a radio and it’s tuned into your soul. I can feel what you’re feeling, I can see your emotions and thoughts and it’s my duty, my nature, to do something. Plus, it can be helpful because you will always know how much I love you, how there will always be someone who cares and takes care of you.”_

Back when Nick didn’t know about Brian’s nature, back when he actually thought that the older hated him and didn’t want to have anything to do with him, sometimes he would get those sudden bursts and sparks of love and he didn’t know where they came from or who was sending them, especially because they always happened when he was all alone, prisoner of demons and ghosts that were long defeated. He had never known, not until he had been told, that he had always been Brian all along.

And sometimes Nick longed to be able to do the same, longed to reach that deep place where their connection lay, and try to send the same love, encouragement and reassurance towards Brian. Those times had been, basically, each day of Brian’s long recovery after what everyone, Kevin included – because, of course, even Kevin was an angel – had defined as a hate crime, a violent and brutal attack towards someone who was different and who had decided to be different, choosing a path and a love that wasn’t tolerated.

“It’s okay.” Brian’s soft voice came in a whisper, an irony because it should have been Nick the one offering those words and keeping Brian’s mind far away from that black hole where all the memories of his attack had been stored and saved.

“I should be the one telling you this. – Nick replied. – I should be the one asking if you are okay.”

It didn’t matter how hard it had been on Nick: those long and endless days when all he had been able to do was wait and pray; those hours spent by Brian’s side once they finally got him back, bruised and broken, and all he had been able to do was hushing his cries of pain and holding his hands, praying and hoping that it would be enough to help him. It didn’t matter because it had to have been far worse for Brian, although he had never shared any details about what had happened or about the nightmares that still haunted him every night.

And Nick knew that Brian wasn’t still okay. He couldn’t be okay and no one, especially him, expected him to be alright. He didn’t need special power to notice it, he just needed his love and that infinite knowledge he had built through years and years of being friends and then partners; he didn’t need to log into that bond and see that there were, still, shadows and dark spots inside Brian’s soul, especially that reluctance, that almost hate, to see himself and the damage done to his wings.

“I’m... – Brian started to reply but he stopped, his eyes lingering and trying to find the line of the horizon, blurred by heat and the fact that the road seemed to stretch until infinity. He wasn’t okay and Nick would be able to detect the lie in his tone, even being powerless. But he wasn’t, either, the same ghost that had walked around the house in the previous days. He was somewhere in the middle, the worst standing steadily and thankfully behind his back and the future stretching in front of him. Uncertain. Afraid. Hopeful. Those were the emotions he fed to Nick, trying to explain that vortex that was spinning inside him. He wanted to be okay, he was just a little scared to actually try and work for it. - ... I will be. But that’s why we are here.”

Nick smiled warmly, reaching out and kissing Brian, a soft and gentle brush of lips upon lips. It was his way to be encouraging, because he already knew he would probably say something wrong or something that he couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to understand. Although, even if it was a completely different situation, he kinda knew how it felt not to be able to look in the mirror and see your true self; how it felt to stand there, in front of the mirror, at first with your eyes closed because you kinda wished to see someone else, that someone that had always lived inside your mind and that you longed, dreamed and desired with all of you to be; he knew, Nick, how it felt to just stay inside the darkness because, at least, there in the shadows you couldn’t see what you had been reduced to by demons and hate. Your own or someone else’s.

But it was a step ahead, right? It was a step toward the right direction because that trip, wherever they were meant to go or be, had been Brian’s idea: just like a butterfly, he had to disappear within his cocoon before coming out and trying to move and wriggle his bones and muscles around.

“Where’s here, exactly?” Nick asked, starting to feel the heat and sweating. He just hoped that here didn’t mean staying there, inside the car, on the side of a desert road.

“Let’s go.” It was all Brian would and could reply, opening the passenger’s door and getting out in the hot day.

“Let’s go.” Nick repeated muttering, as he walked off the car and closed it and, trusting Brian’s sense of direction, he simply started to follow him.

As always.

As it would always be.

 

 

 

 

*********

 

 

 

 

“You know... I’ve dreamed of this place.” Brian whispered in a soft voice, his eyes looking around and taking in the calmness and quietness of the nature standing so still, as if it was a painting.

And it really looked like a painting, something that only one talented painter could ever be able to draw and make it look like it was something that could only exist in paradise. Or in that unknown world that was the one where Brian came from and that Nick had been told so many times. It was a small patch of sand, so white and so thin that it seemed like it was just fairy dust fallen from the sky, long and large enough to allow people walking up and finding a spot of shadow under the bushy green that circled the area and that made it so private. So secret, as if you had to be part of some kind of club to know how to reach it because it couldn’t be seen from the road nor you could just walk across it by accident. That beach was stolen by the calm and quiet waves of a crystalline water, though Nick couldn’t say if it belonged to an unknown lake or if it was another part of the ocean.

He just knew that it was beautiful, that kind of place that made you instantly feel like nothing could harm you, not even the negative and dark thoughts hanging around your head. And, in that moment, Nick understood why Brian wanted so badly to come there, as if it was a need or an itch that couldn’t be scratched off easily. He understood, Nick, why Brian needed to be somewhere no one could see him, or could see them: turning his head and looking at him, he could already see how his shoulders were a little less tight, less hunched and much more open as if he wanted to take in the most of that fresh and salty air; his skin was already losing the paleness of the days spent in the darkness, picking up the golden rays of the sun and shining as if nothing had ever happened to him. He looked good, Nick admitted to himself. Brian looked a lot more like the boy and man he had fallen in love with, long before he would shatter and turn completely around his world by telling him that little, small secret about his origins.

“This particular bay?”

“No, no. My powers don’t go that far. – Brian replied in that melodious and low laughter that made Nick’s stomach tremble with a sudden warmth. – But I dreamed about a place like this, somewhere I can be with the person I chose to love, the one person that has accepted me for who I am and not for what I am; the one person who doesn’t see me as something so different that can’t and shouldn’t belong here, on this planet. But here... – Brian shook his head slightly, as if he was finally getting rid of those thoughts. As if those thoughts, that hate, weren’t that important anymore. - ... Here I don’t have to hide myself. I don’t have to fear about people seeing me holding hands with you, holding and kissing you but, most of all, I can let myself be what I really am.”

There was just a tiny, small moment of apprehension. Nick felt that trembling wave through their bond, small drops of indecision just like a child that is starting to take his first walking steps; he still didn’t know how it worked, that bond; Nick still didn’t know how or if he was able to send back help towards Brian, soothing those waves and washing them with beams of trust and faith. He could just hope it worked because, a second after, that apprehension melted away, replaced by that feeling of happiness you got when you found yourself going back to something you always loved; something that it has always been part of yourself but that had been locked away for far too long, tainted by the hate of people who didn’t understand how beautiful being different was.

Since _it_ happened, since Brian had got back to Nick and made it through the painful recovery, Brian had never made visible his wings, not even observed or gave a glimpse to them while Kevin tended and make sure they were healing rightly. Part of him, part of Brian’s mind and soul, had been afraid to see them, had feared to witness the abuse and the hate he had felt during his abduction and attack; another part of him, instead, had been ashamed of them, knowing exactly how they had been reduced and what they must looked like. How he must looked like, because those wings were the exact reflection of his soul and, for a long time, he had doubted he could ever be able to heal, to erase that hate he felt about a part of his body and being that made him who he was.

And then, one day, one lazy day when he and Nick were lying lazily on the couch and Nick was mindlessly caressing the spot where, usually, his wings would have been spread and wrapped around his body, Brian realized that something was missing: the sensation, the magic and unique experience of his feathers brushing and touching his lover’s skin and feeling Nick’s body and soul react by those touches, how they made him feel loved and treasured, safe and protected. Instead all he could feel coming from Nick in that moment was the heartbreaking hurt of not being able to fully heal that someone you love more than anyone else in the universe; that small and muffled cry of blame because he hadn’t been able to save him, or at least he hadn’t been able to repair something that looked and seemed too broken to be fixed somehow; but, most of all, Brian could pick up from Nick that he missed too those moments, he longed for them and was afraid, so damn afraid, to tell him because he might come out as selfish and egoist.

That day Brian realized that he was still letting _them_ win, by denying and ignoring his bruised and wounded wings, by hating them so much that he sometimes had thought it would have been better if they had fallen off, and by denying his partner to love him. Because Nick had always loved his wings, had always loved the way they, a bunch of feathers and bones, were able to make him feel more loved and protected that he had ever been in his life; and, lastly, Nick had always treasured those special, intimate and almost sacral moments when Brian would let him tend his wings, touch and take care of them as if they were something precious. That day, in that particular moment, Brian realized _they_ had managed to taint his spirit, bend his body until he had been sure every bone would snap and shatter, but _they_ hadn’t managed to break him or that love that had been his salvation and corner stone during the painful, agonizing days and nights of recover.

That had been the reason why, now, he was standing in front of that mirror offered by the clear and quiet water of the ocean. Just a brief instant of hesitation, a wave of strength and faith that came from Nick, before Brian finally did something that he had almost feared to have forgotten: he let his wing unfold, spread them in its entire length and feeling the thin layer of breeze running through his feathers as if it had found a new game to play. It had been natural, like he had done it every day or as if he hadn’t made it like those wings weren’t part of his body and being; it hadn’t been painful like he had imagined and feared it but it had felt like he had stretched an arm or a leg that had gone asleep. A bit uncomfortable, a bit numb but after seconds of standing and being completely still, as if they wanted to show themselves to the world and soak up the sun warming their cold bones, his wings started to remember what it meant and what it felt to be able to move freely.

Yet, Brian still couldn’t open his eyes and observe his reflection. Their reflection. He didn’t want to open his eyes and watch them, see what they had been reduced too. Everybody, every angel knew that wings were a sort of mirror of one’s soul, changing and showing whatever experiences one might have gone through in his life: the wings of a warrior would show all his battle’s wounds; the oldest would wear the most purest and brightest wings, to prove and show their wisdom and experience. But hate... hate was one of the most powerful emotions to wear. And it would never go away, it would always stay upon his feathers as a witness to what he had been through and Brian would have to see it every day until eternity.

Simply, Brian was afraid to see his reflection. But he wasn’t alone, just like he hadn’t been alone all those blurring days when he could only remember the pain, because no pain killer or whatever human medicine could help and soothe something that it wasn’t from Earth; days and nights all mixed up together as he fought not to give up while his wings mended themselves with the skin, resetting bones and feathers growing up once again and neither of those process had been painless. But he hadn’t been alone because Nick had always been by his side, holding his hand as if he wanted to feed him his energies or if he wanted to take his pain, that agony latched in lines that had deformed that face Nick had always loved so much. Nick had stayed and hoped he could do something, although he had been sadly aware that he was the powerless and useless human who could only whisper, pray and beg to fight, to hold on because there was one thing he knew for sure and that was that Brian was going to get through it.

And Brian knew that he didn’t have to go through that moment alone, because Nick was standing there with him and he could feel whatever emotions was going inside him. So he let himself be led by those colors, an explosion of bright and positive vibes that could only mean that he wasn’t that messed up. There was love, first and foremost: love in its purest, deepest and infinite form, red waves that washed over his soul, soothing those limbs that still were aching for what they had been through and enforcing those flames of courage that were finally raising their heads and arming their fists. Beneath it, intricate and so mixed and mashed together that it was impossible to discern and take them singularly, threads of surprise, admiration and astonishment, all those kind of emotions and sensations you could feel while standing in front of a beautiful painting.

“Really?” Brian raised an eyebrow, turning towards Nick with an expression of confusion since the last emotion he got from him was lust.

Nick looked away sheepishly, red dots warming up his face and a grin that meant that he was far from being embarrassed or ashamed of that particular feeling. “It’s not my fault you look absolutely beautiful. – He said in a warm, husky and low tone of voice as he stepped even closer and placed a hand on Brian’s back, on that very spot where wings and skin became one. – You being happy has always turned me on.”

It was Brian’s turn to blush, a part of him reacting at that rush of ecstasy and lust coming from Nick and another surprised and shocked by his words. By that last word Nick had used to describe him in that moment.

Happy.

Happiness hadn’t been around him lately or, maybe, it had been Brian the one who hadn’t been able to notice that new change, too blinded by the pain and the aftermaths of his attack. He had been miserable, he had tried to numb everything inside and around him; then rage had tried to take hold of him, feeding him that hate that had been forced with violence and scars that couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to heal completely; at least he had fallen in a sort of limbo, a middle ground where he wasn’t still a victim but had still so much road to walk towards healing. Towards being happy.

“Stop thinking and overanalyzing too much. – Nick’s words came in a soft whisper, a caress that had the same substance of the breeze and the air around them. – Just open your eyes and see for yourself.”

Brian inhaled deeply, bracing himself for what he was about to see in the reflection; as he let out the breath he opened his eyes and, for a moment, he totally believed that he was dreaming what he was seeing between the placid waves of the water, because that man smiling back couldn’t be him: he had the same hair, little and rebel curls that he had let grow a little too much, and the same facial features that had welcomed and followed him since his birth. And although his face looked taut, with bones so visible and skin that needed a little bit more color, his eyes had lost that hollow expression of those last months, replaced by a bright shade of surprise and a limpid, shining blue that spoke of happiness. Brian couldn’t help but raise one hand and place it against his cheek, checking and being reassured by his own gesture being mirrored by the other Brian.

And then, finally, Brian’s eyes took notice of those big wings spread around his body, literally itching for taking off and fly among the sky as if they were little children that couldn’t wait to be out in the open and run, run and taste freedom. His wings were different by the ones he had been born with: some of the feathers were still growing and they looked so small in comparison to the strongest ones, the ones that had been able to endure torture and abuse; and Brian bet that they would be stronger, tougher because those bones already knew what it meant to be bend and broken and they wouldn’t let it happen ever again.

He wouldn’t let it happen.

The black, that infinite black canvas that had looked like a puddle of oil that had conquered the clearest of the ocean, now looked like a shadow, a background that couldn’t be erased completely but that was ready to be painted with brighter colors; that back had been almost washed over, pushed and pushed away by a shade of white that was so rare to find on young angel’s wings: only the oldest wore that color or, if one was lucky, so damn lucky, if he was able to find that kind of pure love that was able to fight and balance the hate.

Darkness and light. Black and white. Complementary and always fighting each other to win over even the smallest inch. And, yet, none of them couldn’t live without the other because darkness needed the light to feed from and light needed his sister to shine and be bright. In that moment Brian stopped hating that black, those feathers that seemed so out of place in that painting: that black kept reminding him what he had been through, it was and it would always be the constant memory of nightmares and a level of violence that it was almost impossible to describe with words; yet, that black was also the proof that he had made it through and he had been able to do it thanks to that endless source of love that was burning inside Nick’s soul and that he could sense flickering and joining him in that special moment.

“Just know that I would never have left you. Hell, I won’t leave you ever, even if you should lose your wings.” Nick stated in that firm, determined and stern tone that only a few people were allowed to hear. His arms went around Brian’s waist, his chin resting against the shoulder and the skin that finally, oh finally, were caressed by the soft touches of the higher feathers. Brian hadn’t even been aware of having shared those thoughts with Nick and, honestly, it didn’t even surprise him anymore because, sometimes, it was the only and best way to make him understand things about his world that would have been too complex and hard to put down in words.

“I know. – Brian replied, still completely stolen away by his reflection. – That’s why there is this shade of white. True love. If you hadn’t been there, I don’t know if I would have been able to survive. Knowing that I had someone with me, that believed and had so much faith in me...” Brian’s voice trailed off, letting his emotions continuing to speak on his behalf.

A peck of lips upon skin was Nick’s reply, the only answer he could muster in front of those answerers that always left him speechless, especially for someone who had never been taught about love or how powerful it could be. So he just let himself be engulfed by those invisible arms that were wrapping themselves around his soul, invisible voices that kept whispering words of gratitude that almost made Nick shiver with pride and modesty and, yet, there was a part of himself that didn’t think or believed he was worth of that magnitude of love. But even those shivers couldn’t survive after being drowned by another wave of love, a giant and metaphoric slap on the head because he should have stopped listening to those vicious words a long time before, right when Brian entered in his life and in his soul.

A trace of insecurity still lingered in the air though, this time, it came from Brian’s soul: how could that broken spirit be worth so much faith and belief? What did he do to deserve someone who stood so faithfully by his side, fought for him in those brief moments when Brian had almost decided that it would be better to let go and numb the pain forever? How could Nick still look at him like he was the most amazing creature that had landed on Earth?

Nick didn’t have to reply to that doubt because he simply place his hand on one of the wings and started caressing it, softly and gently like he had done so many times before. Like he had done it the first time Brian, full of doubts and unsure about Nick’s reaction, had shown him how different and special he was. Nick could still remember that moment, could remember how he hadn’t be able to say anything because there weren’t words that could express the beauty he has witnessing; Nick could remember how he had simply started to touch the feathers, felt how light and smooth they were, taking in the shivers of pleasure that had seemed to at every touch. Once, then, Brian had explained him that those touches were the most intimate and private among the angels, because it took and required so much trust and faith.

_“It’s like I’m letting you touch my soul, the most private and precious part of myself. My wings are... me. Letting you touch them is the most lucid, strongest and powerful way to tell you that I love you and that I put myself in your hands.”_

That same moment was reliving in that private and so far away place where no one could see them, with Brian showing his soul bare and naked to Nick and, this time, hoping he would accept him even with those scars and signs that had tainted his spirit forever. The insecurity, that had lingered in the air until that moment, managed to disappear under those caresses, those brushes and touches that equilibrated a relationship that had been put in hold for all those months, a delicate balance where Brian was finally finding his role again after being just... a victim. A broken vase that needed to be fixed, glued it back together even though it would never look and be the same. In that moment Nick was telling him, through his touches and those colors that only Brian could see and feel, that he was and would always be beautiful in his eyes, no matter what; Nick was reminding him that he was whole again, a soul and a body that not only were worth of love and admiration, but they deserved them more than anyone else in the world.

Fingertips ran along the spine of the feathers, travelling up and upon those shadowed black ones before rushing down to those he had always known, that silver mixed with purple that held Brian’s powers and that now were even brighter, as if darkness not only had failed its plan but had given them more power and energy.

“What about those? – Nick asked, interrupting the silence and stopping his fingertips upon those unknown colors that hadn’t been there before. – Do they have some kind of meaning?” His tone was soft and, yet, full of curiosity. That was one of the things that Brian had always loved more about Nick, the one trait that had managed to break all of his walls and allowed the other guy to be completely part of his world. And, well, he kinda had to because Nick was just as curious as a little kid, his soul always brimming with the desire to know every little detail about something and someone so special and rare.

Brian’s eyes travelled upon his reflection, landing to the place where Nick’s fingers were resting. Oh. He hadn’t noticed those colors, being more absorbed by Nick’s touches and his own reactions. For a second he just observed them, amazed and shocked not only that he had been able to see them but that they were upon his wings, for those colors were rare and almost a privilege among the angel’s race. They weren’t even colors or shades but it looked more like a stain, a faded tattoo that Brian had only seen in one of those ancient books back when he lived in the Angel’s world.

“It’s... wow, I’ve never thought it could be real. – Brian murmured in a whisper, a little stunned so for a second he kinda forgot that Nick was standing behind him. He quickly recovered, trying to find the best and quickest way to explain what that sign, that combination of colors, meant. – It’s a legend we have in our world. It has been told for decades and decades, passed down through families and families so that its meaning wouldn’t be lost. I’ve always thought that it was just a myth, you know? But it’s said that angels can’t lie so...”

“... now that’s something that I can object to.” Nick interrupted with a grin and a laugh that tickled the hair on Brian’s neck.

“It’s the human’s influence.”

“Let’s always blame us, right?”

“Well for some of them I can’t be considered an angel anymore.” A cold air descended immediately, blowing away that playful mode that made it look like nothing had happened, like it was just one of those times where Brian would tell Nick about something of his world.

“Their loss. Our gain.” Nick simply stated, tightening his embrace and leaving a trail of kisses along that curve of his back between shoulders and wings.

A shiver ran through Brian’s spine as he placed a hand on Nick’s, lying against his stomach, and sent a wave of gratitude through their bond. It still hurt knowing that part of his race, albeit a small group, considered him less than zero only because he had chosen to stay on Earth and to fall in love with a human being; it physically hurt because his fading bruises and barely healed wounds throbbed as if they were still being beaten, carved in with swords that were usually a privilege for enemies. But he was, now, one of them, right? He had betrayed his people, he had left his world for something that he always believed was better... Brian shook his head, kicking away those thoughts and let them disappear like flat balloons. A small group, the same that had tried to attack more angels in his world so he wasn’t the one to blame. And that sign, that mark, was the ultimate proof.

“Just like in any world, we had lots of battles. Especially in the beginning. You have to think, Nick, that there isn’t only one race of angels and back then each group wanted to prevail and have the control over the other. It’s not that different from Earth, when you think about it. – Brian took a breath before continuing his tale. – In the end only two factions were left battling each other: my race and what you humans love to call “fallen angel”.”

“Isn’t it the right term then?”

“Not exactly, especially because there hasn’t been a paradise nor a God to rebel against. But they were rebel, their wings of the blackest color you can imagine and they were truly convinced that they could not only conquer all the realms in our world but even the ones they thought were inferior and weaker.”

“And that’s Earth, right?”

“Not only. – Brian replied, feeling Nick’s curiosity itching and demanding to know more about those other worlds and if he could take him to one of them. Chuckling, Brian hushed Nick’s interest and promised him that he would tell him about some other time. – Back at our story, the fights had been going on for years and both groups were worn out, neither of them winning or losing. Until, one day, they managed to wound our greatest and most powerful fighter: the other angels thought that it was the end, that there was no point of keep fighting when they were more likely going to be slaughtered and killed because their leader was dying or already dead. They had no hope left, no faith if not lowering their head and accept their fate until something happened, the unexpected happen.”

“Let me guess... – Nick interrupted, because that mighty hero reminded him of a certain someone that everyone thought was dead and, yet, was now standing inside his arms. - ... your leader wasn’t dead.”

“Here the stories are kinda blurred. Some say that he was just wounded and needed to find his strength back before getting himself again inside the battle; others say that it is just a legend, with no proof so ever, something to remind us where we come from and why we are still fighting. But most angels still believed that he stood up again on his feet, a sword in his hands and this beautiful, magnificent wings that no one had ever seen before. Like a phoenix, that fearless fighter brought faith back and... well, history was made. Those angels retreated back, promising a revenge that has been going on through centuries and centuries. But no one forgot that moment, no one forgot about that hero and that’s what those colors mean. They aren’t even colors, it’s more like a sign. A mark...”

“... the proof that you have been through hell and came out stronger. – Nick joined in, now observing those shades of red, orange and yellow with more respect and attention. – You are like that phoenix.”

Brian wanted to disagree with Nick, wanted to object that it wasn’t the same exact thing because all he had done was stepping out from his house and watch himself reflected on the water. But he couldn’t because, in that exact moment, something started to burn inside him, spreading all around and wrapping itself around his soul. His fingers trembled, actually, all of his nerves started to tremble for that itch to spread his wings even wider and just jump. Just fly high, letting the wind carry him wherever it wanted. Just fly away, hoping that whoever had tried to break him down would see that they had failed and, from those broken wings and black ashes, someone more colored and stronger had raised.

Brian wanted to fly, the exact opposite that he had promised himself he would do right after his attack. His being someone between angels and humans had been what had attracted the rebels, like vampires and beasties in search and hungry of blood and revenge; flying again would have meant giving them a second chance, another opportunity to strike back and, maybe, this time he would be left dead forever. Fear had held him back, denying him a part of himself that couldn’t be forgotten or ignored. But now he was feeling another kind of fear, the fear of letting someone else decide for him and how he should be living his life. His nature.

Flying was his nature. Being with Nick, walking hand in hand on a street, was his nature. Denying one of them was denying himself.

“I’m ready. – Brian whispered in a determinate tone. – It’s time to go back. Those wings are feeling a little bit rusty.”

Pride filled Nick to the brim. Pride, devotion and admiration smashed and flashed into beams of warm colors, the only way he had barely learned to show and let Brian know how much he was loved and looked up to someone special, but not only because of those wings. To Nick Brian was special for the simple and basic reason that he had taught him about love and being love in return.

To Nick, Brian was special only and just because he loved him.

“Go, my little bird.” Nick whispered, lips descending from the neck towards the centre of the back. Towards those pale lines that hadn’t faded away. Some weeks ago they were bright and raw red, as if a beast had scratched his back with the most ugly and sharp claws ever; yet, it was a better sight than the first time he had seen them, with fresh blood still dropping out, dodging the dark and red spot that had dried with time. Now they were only a lighter shade of pink, more likely white but impossible to notice if no one knew that they existed. He couldn’t resist, Nick. Nick couldn’t resist ~~in~~ brushing his lips along their length, blowing a warm breath before leaning down and kissing it. Brian’s skin shivered with pleasure, his soul whimpered and almost sang because it had been so long, too long, since it had been touched with such gentle and tender touches.

“Nick...” Brian’s voice almost got out as a purr, like a cat that wanted and desired more cuddles and touches. He wanted to linger in those caresses, soar up and forget that his skin and soul had been bruised and abused but that itch, that need to fly, was getting harder and harder to dismiss and ignore.

“We can continue later. – Nick promised. – if you come back to me.”

“There’s no if, Nick. – Brian replied, turned around and facing Nick with most stubborn and determined expression he could master. He was so serious and, yet, there was this wave of security that was already rushing and washing all over Nick’s soul, slightly offended that his other half could even wonder about his return. How could he not come back? He loved that special and amazing human that had stolen his heart and that had stood for him through thick and thin. – I will always come back to you. No matter what, no matter where I’m going to land or how far we might be. Never doubt this, please. Never doubt that I will always come back home.”

“Wait a minute. – Nick’s question froze the moment, letting the serious air still floating around them while waiting to see, hear, what the boy would come up with. – By home... you mean me?” It was quite skeptical Nick’s tone, just like those trembles that shook his bond with Brian. Nick wanted it to be a joke, a sort of play to lighten up the atmosphere but he hadn’t be able to hide that small child that, no matter what, was still scared to be left alone and to watch people he loved never came back for him.

Brian stood on his tiptoes, for it didn’t matter if he was an angel and that he could fly, Nick would always be so much taller than him. Actually, he always thought that the height difference was another proof of how they were meant to be together, how they completed each other even physically; his wings were immediately around Nick’s body, wrapping him inside that warm, secure and safe hug where all of Nick’s doubts suddenly disappeared and couldn’t even forced to enter. Brian took Nick’s face with his hands and he looked straight into his eyes, that gaze that mirrored the ocean in front of them because it held the clearest and deepest blue. That look that always put Nick’s fears at bay because it was always and only for him.

“Home is where the heart is. – Brian softly whispered, brushing Nick’s lips with every word.- You, Nickholas Gene Carter, have been my heart since the beginning.”

Nick could only reply in the only way he knew, because a bubble of commotion and love, pure and intense love, have decided to build a nest inside his throat and steal away his voice. Words were magical, that he had always believed ~~it~~ : words were magical warriors that, with their weapons made of vocals and meaning, could shattered years and years of lies and hate, of being told that he would never be enough for someone unless he gave them something, unless he provided for them, of being left alone when money would stop flowing or there was someone much cooler or important than him. Brian’s words, made up with red and silver, with that violet that always seemed to get inside his soul and unveil his most remote and intimate feelings and thoughts, had managed to empty his soul of all those years of being used and abused, of love that had never been love but only a chimera, a ghost dressed up for the night and who would disappear in the morning, leaving shreds of trust and heart behind it. Brian had managed to erase all of that, refilling his soul with those concepts Nick had only heard about but never quite touched them; or felt them coming closer to him, brushing his shoulder and silently asking to enter inside his soul where they would start building their home and nest. Brian had kept sending him love even when he shouldn’t had, even all those days when no one knew where he was but Nick could feel that love burning inside him, albeit weaker and weaker as time and violence passed by.

And it was the memory of those days, agony and desperation that now were mixed with pride and devotion, that pushed Nick to lean down and press his lips against Brian. It wasn’t a sweet and gentle kiss, it wasn’t that kind of kiss that lingered on the skin as a tasteful first bite, brushes and caresses that wanted to show the most romantic and sweet side of love. That kiss, in that moment, was pure and forceful passion, the only way Nick knew how to put all of his emotions in something so simple and, yet, so powerful. Eyes closed, body pressed so close that it seemed that Brian’s wings were only hiding one body and not two; in that world of darkness, sparks of bright colors exploded all around them as hunger and desire smashed ~~into~~ together, leaving behind them traces of words that none of them had ever been able to say out loud: the fear of not being enough, never enough for someone so special was washed away by waves and waves of reassurance, of being told that he was more than special because he had been able to accept something that didn’t belong anywhere if not inside those arms, melted in that kiss that gave wind and breath to the fire and flames that were dancing around them. Magic happened in that kiss, love in its purest form and passion that never ceased to amaze Brian and Nick for its intensity and hunger: their skin couldn’t stand being apart, their skin needed to touch its companion while lips wanted to save every taste in case something had changed and, every time, it was both like coming back home and finding a new place where to belong.

“I love you. – Nick whispered brokenly, between a touch and a kiss. – I love you. I love you.” He kept repeating as if those three were like a mantra, as if he could get back all those years when he had been so scared to think, feel and pronounce. Brian’s reply didn’t come with words because he didn’t need them in that moment: with their souls so close, so wrapped around each other where there was no say when one ended and the other started, Brian could show Nick how much he loved him, how much space that love, that red ocean or sky had been inside him since the first moment. Not only, Brian could do much more, he could let Nick taste and touch it, letting himself be filled until the last cloud of doubt would be just a shadow, a memory that would fade very quickly.

“I’ll come back.” Brian promised in a breathy voice, before returning to attack Nick’s lips with his.

“Promise.”

“I promise. – Gentle but steady, Brian’s voice dissipated any fears. Even his own fears, the one that was still hiding in the farthest and darkest corner of his soul, the ones that were trying to tie him down and not even trying to fly because it wasn’t something for him anymore; fear of not finding his way back home, of finding that he didn’t and couldn’t belong anymore in that world together with Nick. - And I kinda have to get back here for you. It’s not like I can let you go back home all alone.”

“Why? I’m old enough to drive, you know?” Nick replied with the same teasing tone used by his companion, tucking a curl of hair behind Brian’s ear.

“Nick, your sense of direction sucks. You’ll get lost and who knows where you are going to end up!” A first ring of laughter brightened up the air, filling the atmosphere and bringing a soft explosion inside Nick’s heart because that sound had been so lost lately, just like its owner had been.

“Are angels even allowed to say _suck_?” Nick teased, still not quite sure about letting Brian go out of his arms and loving the way their conversation had reached that light and cheerful bicker that always lead up to something more.

“Oh, we’re allowed it. We’re masters at it.” Brian replied maliciously and, even before Nick could come up with something to reply to, he let his wings take control and flew high in the sky.

Oh, how he’d missed it! How he’d missed feeling the sun shining directly on his body, never burning or hurting him but just like a tender caress of a mother before letting her own child go out and find his way. How he’d missed feeling the wind beneath his wings, holding him up and trying to find new ways to play with those feathers that, apparently, had a life of their own when they were up there. All of his fears disappeared, showing how ~~much~~ empty they had been because that was where he belonged. Truly belonged: somewhere between his own world, hidden from the human’s eyes but yet so close that he could feel the attraction calling him back, just for a quick visit, and the world that had given him the most precious of the gifts, that world that had become his since the first time he landed there and saw how many beautiful things could be found underneath what was called paradise. And, as always, Brian’s eyes didn’t need to search long before landing on the small and almost indefinite figure of Nick: he was simply sitting under a tree, his head tilted up  in the sky as if he wanted to make sure he wouldn’t lose sight of him. With a soft push of that precious link, Brian just silently reassured his other half as he started to fly higher and higher, up where the sun was the most incredible star one could ever see. And, yet, that golden and round ball couldn’t ever be able to be as beautiful and precious as the star that was still looking up for him.

For a long time, even before his abduction and attack, Brian had tried so long to find a way to balance those two parts of his being; for a long time he had tried to find somewhere he could really belong, somewhere he could be human and angel at the same time, without feeling ashamed of having to hide something because people wouldn’t understand. For a long time, Brian had thought and believed that he had to search for a place, a physical place that could be his home. For a long time Brian had just mislead himself because that place had always be within himself, in that precious and sacred part of his soul that he shared with Nick.

Because now Brian finally knew that Nick was the place where he belonged.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, another fantasy story and this time with angel!Brian, which is something that I love and I'd love to explore more in the future.  
> Hope you guys love it too, thanks in advance for reading! =)  
> Most of all, thanks to klainederful for being such an awesome betareader and cheerleader. <3


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